Remarried mother refuses to take her husband’s kids on family vacation as he expects her to babysit them alone: ‘I'm basically the default caregiver while everyone else is having fun’

Author image for Melissa Knudson
Melissa Knudson • Writer
Oct 6, 2026 7:15 AM EDT

How can coparenting responsibilities be divided justly?

Coparenting is a practice that has become more common, as families grow in unexpected ways. Parents try to put their children's happiness and safety as a priority, while also attempting to balance the challenges and opportunities of a new romantic relationship. This reality completely changes the definition of what having a sibling means. Half-brothers and sisters and adoptive siblings quickly become the new normal for kids in these types of family units. What could be perceived as a complicated situation can also be an opportunity for children to share experiences with other kids that will grow to become lifelong friends. Take it from me, being a kid of co-parenting myself. 

That said, if parenting is already hard enough, try multiplying the responsibilities and duplicating the votes that need to be taken into account when making important life decisions. That is to say, raising one's child already feels impossible at times. Now imagine trying to work with your partner's exes to try to raise a lot more children. It is quite tricky to be on the same page, to say the least. But ultimately, getting there between co-parents means kids will get to have bigger and happier families. 

Growing up surrounded by siblings, from birth or acquired later in life, is simply an opportunity that is worth all the troubles. On that note, if you're considering giving that to your own kids and venturing into the ups and downs that coparenting is, make sure that at least your significant other is willing to put just as much effort in as you. It is very hard, but when proper communication and teamwork enter the workflow, coparenting can really turn into a unique and wonderful experience for all parties involved. On the other hand, if you feel like you're going to carry the load on your own, it's best to tap out; for it will prove to be too much strain on one individual. 

This story closely relates to the entanglement that coparenting can become. A mother of a 9-year-old and a 5-year-old is trying to fit into her husband's first kid's life: a 12-year-old and a couple of adoptive sons. As a whole, this is one big family. For that reason, co-parenting has become key. At first, everyone seemed to be on the same page. The mother, the husband, and the husband's ex all appeared to be working together so that the kids could share their childhood. However, as the couple is trying to plan their first big family vacation, doubts start to arise. The husband feels obligated to invite all the kids to the trip, including his adoptive boys. His current wife worries that it will turn their vacation into a babysitting package deal. She feels like when she and her husband have all the kids around, she ends up being the sole caretaker, while he focuses on "doing his own thing". Because of this, she's reluctant to allow all children to join the vacation, while admitting it might be hurtful for the boys not to be invited to a trip that their adoptive sister is attending. 

The internet is divided on this one. People argue that if some of the kids are going to get invited, then all children should go, so no one gets left out. On the other side, some people agree that taking all kids could become a real struggle for the mother, who seems to be taking on more responsibilities than she should. Whose side are you on with this one?

Advertisement
  • Married couple fighting.
    via Via Getty Images ( Via Katiekk2 )

    Married couple fighting. 

    Recreated scenario included to enhance reader understanding. 

  • AITH for not wanting my husband's former stepkids to come on our first family vacation?

    I'm 41F and my husband (44M) and I have been married for 7 years. We have two kids together, a 9-year-old son and a 5-year-old daughter. My husband also has a 12-year-old daughter from a previous relationship. He was with
    via Smooshiesmoosh
  • her mom for several years, and during that relationship he also helped raise her two boys from an earlier marriage. He isn't their legal parent, but they've always considered him family and he's still very close with them. Since we all live fairly close, the kids see each other often and we usually include everyone for birthdays, holidays, and family events.
    via Smooshiesmoosh
  • For years my husband and I have talked about taking our kids on a proper vacation, but between work, school, and having a younger child, it never happened. We finally decided to do it this summer and booked a week at a big resort in Florida with the kids. This was supposed to be our first real family vacation where we weren't just visiting relatives or doing a weekend somewhere.
    via Smooshiesmoosh
  • A few weeks ago, my husband mentioned the trip to his ex because their daughter would obviously be going too. Apparently his daughter later got into an argument with her older brothers while they were at their mom's house and, in the heat of it, told them that she was going to Florida and they weren't. Since then, the
    via Smooshiesmoosh
  • boys have apparently been upset with her and have been making comments about the trip whenever she comes over.
    via Smooshiesmoosh
  • My husband and his ex have now decided that the "solution" is to bring both boys with us.
    via Smooshiesmoosh
  • Family with kids at the beach.
    via corelens

    Family with kids at the beach.

    Image for illustrative purposes.

  • His ex says she'll pay for their flights, hotel room, park tickets, food, and whatever else they need. She just wants them to feel included so there isn't any resentment between the kids. My husband thinks it'll actually be fun and says they've all known each other for years anyway.
    via Smooshiesmoosh
  • I don't hate these kids. That's not the issue at all. But adding two teenagers to what was supposed to be our first vacation with our own children changes the entire trip. More planning, more
    via Smooshiesmoosh
  • responsibility, more people to keep track of, and less time for us to actually enjoy the vacation as a family. My husband keeps saying his ex will pay for everything, but money isn't really the point. When I said I wasn't comfortable with the idea, he accused me of treating those boys like strangers. I told him
    via Smooshiesmoosh
  • I understand that he loves them and I respect the relationship they have, but that doesn't automatically mean I have to turn every family vacation into a giant group trip.
    via Smooshiesmoosh
  • The boys haven't been told about the idea yet, which is probably the only thing stopping this from becoming an even bigger mess.
    via Smooshiesmoosh
  • I'm now seriously considering cancelling the vacation altogether if my husband insists on changing the plan. I feel awful because | know they're kids and none of this is really their fault. But I also don't think our first family vacation should be redesigned because one argument between the kids got out of hand. AITH?
    via Smooshiesmoosh
  • Kids playing outside.
    via Jacob Lund

    Kids playing outside. 

    Scene shown is a visual representation.

  • EDIT: I think I should clarify a few things because I'm getting a lot of comments saying I'm acting like these kids are strangers to me. That really isn't the case. I've
    via Smooshiesmoosh
  • known them for years and whenever all the kids are together, I'm usually involved in taking care of everyone. Earlier this year we
    via Smooshiesmoosh
  • actually took a short weekend trip with all the kids, and my husband ended up spending a lot of that trip doing his own thing while I was the one keeping an eye on everyone, making sure they ate, getting them ready, and dealing with the little arguments. I didn't mind helping at
    via Smooshiesmoosh
  • the time, but afterward my husband and I talked about how different we wanted our first proper family vacation to be.
    via Smooshiesmoosh
  • That's why we specifically agreed this trip would just be me, him, our two kids, and his daughter. His two former stepkids were supposed to stay with his sister during that week because she had originally volunteered to have them. Then
    via Smooshiesmoosh
  • she suddenly changed her plans because she and her boyfriend decided to take their own holiday instead. That's when my husband and his ex came up with the idea of sending the boys with us.
    via Smooshiesmoosh
  • My biggest fear is honestly that we'll go on this expensive vacation and end up repeating the same thing as our last trip. My husband gets caught up doing activities or going off with his daughter, and I end up being the one staying behind with the younger kids, making sure everyone is fed, rested, organized, etc. So when
    via Smooshiesmoosh
  • Couple ignoring each other.
    via Via Getty Images ( Via fizkes )

    Couple ignoring each other. 

    Stock photography for depiction only.

  • people say, "Their dad will be there too," that doesn't really reassure me because I know how things have gone before. I love these kids and I absolutely don't want them feeling unwanted. I just don't want our first family vacation to turn into another situation where I'm basically the default caregiver while everyone else is having fun.
    via Smooshiesmoosh
  • Kooky-Impression7972 Sounds like your husband is the problem, not the kids. Have a talk with him about sharing the responsibility of taking care of all the kids while you travel.
    via Kooky-Impression7972
  • m3rrr If mom is offering to pay for flights, hotel, and all other expenses, why doesn't she take the boys on a trip herself?? Seems like she's almost forcing it, and your husband isn't much help if they were to come. I totally understand because I always end up doing the childcare while my husband is actually enjoying the vacation. I fear this would be a hill I would di on. NTA.
    via m3rrr
  • LionFyre13G Does your husband see himself as these boy's father? I was raised by my step dad, and when my mom and him separated it was hard because I realized that this guy who raised me actually never had a reason to be in my life going forward. My step dad was really my only dad. If he raised these boys, and sees himself as a father to them then yes YTA.
    via LionFyre13G
  • Curious-Solution-892 I can see both sides of the argument and there's not really an easy decision. Two sides of this, they are not your husbands actual kids, but they are his daughter's half siblings.
    via Curious-Solution-892
  • Such_Temporary_3125 IF the boys are there regularly and he is an active part of their upbringing I think it's wrong to exclude them. I get that it makes things harder, but you signed up for this by getting with someone that was involved in that way with those kids.
    via Such_Temporary_3125

Want More? Follow Us and Add Us as a Preferred Source on Google.

Tags

relatives coparenting family drama vacations woman conversations with family AITAH kids family conflict family fight traditions husband family meeting couples limits
Scroll Down For The Next Article